


Without Further Instructions

by punahukka



Category: Captain America (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Bucky Barnes Is Captain America, Coping, F/M, Friendship/Love, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Language, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 16:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punahukka/pseuds/punahukka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It takes Bucky a few more days to realize they're both Steve's best friends and just plain</i> jealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without Further Instructions

**Author's Note:**

> Filling "death" square at my Angst Table for avengers_tables.

It’s kind of fucked-up, really, how both Bucky and Sam try so hard to prove themselves, on the field and in the small gestures as well, how they grow to approve and even like each other, and how they see something Steve would have said or done and immediately feel a need to apologize for not being Steve.  
  
Bucky knows everything about proving himself and it frustrates him to no end, ’cause there may be a huge pair of boots to fill but Steve’s ghost is still so fresh it hasn’t even thought of giving up its footgear just yet. Bucky may not be a religious man by any definition, but he’s seen enough crazy shit in his time, and ghosts are one thing he’s never had any trouble believing in.

  
Steve’s ghost definitely sits comfortably between them on the couch when Sam asks him over for a pizza night featuring some beer and a bad movie, and Bucky finds it possible to miss someone so much it physically hurts. He blames it on the broken ribs of course, and Sam’s deeply disapproving “Go to a fucking doctor, man” is said with a warm edge to it. At least smiling back makes the ghost sink a little deeper between the cushions.

  
It takes Bucky a few more days to realize they’re both Steve’s best friends and just plain _jealous_.

  
“You were special to him,” Sam says and tactfully continues with another sentence before Bucky has time to react. _Listen, bird guy, ‘special’ means too many things to be taken as a compliment_ dies on the way from his brain to his mouth: he’s sure by now that Sam’s the kind of man who means exactly what he says.

  
It’s doesn’t actually help it’s the rescue mission of Steve’s girl they’re sticking together for.

  
When it comes down to fighting, the countless hours in Steve’s training are the imaginary rubber band keeping them together and giving them space so naturally it’s like they’ve spent years having each other’s back. After a while neither Bucky nor Sam has to keep looking over his shoulder because they can trust the other to be there.

  
It’s probably Sam who starts it, in one lingering glance too many, or at least Bucky likes to tell him that, but Bucky’s all in for forging a bond of their own. So one night, when they’ve drifted into a good-humored insult fest over who’s going to take the first shower after a sparring session, they pack in at the same time. Bucky’s always thought sex is a lot like fighting, and fighting he has always found easy to engage in, so he does his best to wrap his body around Sam’s much bigger one, and for the first time in months he doesn’t have to think too much.

  
“Did you and Steve ever…”  
“No,” Bucky snorts and says nothing else ‘cause there’s no way in hell he’ll be able to explain and not disgrace the national icon.

 

Sharon Carter is all kinds of amazing woman, that much has been clear to Bucky the whole time. And he genuinely feels for her as much as for Sam.

 

“’S not gonna work like this,” Sam eventually states with a sigh, far too coherent for Bucky’s brain the man obviously tried to suck out through his dick a couple of minutes ago.  
Bucky can imagine ghost-Steve squeezed between them on the bed nod in understanding.  
“Yeah,” he says and rubs his eyes because he feels a headache coming, “you’re right.”

 

Bucky doesn’t know what to ask, but he sometimes forgets himself to search for an answer from his reflection on the shield. It never talks. He’s sure he’s not Steve enough for Sam and yet there’s too much Steve there to ignore. And it’s the same for Sam, and in the darkest moments Bucky hates Steve for leaving so many lives hanging without further instructions. Then he remembers he knows Steve’s letter to Tony by heart and that apparently instructions don’t change anything. 

 

“Maybe we should make it a game,” Bucky says to Natalia who goes by Natasha now and takes yet another mouthful of vodka for old times’ sake. “You know, get together and spit it out and count the points at the end. One point for every year spent with him. Fucking Steve, plus five points. Trying to kill Steve, minus fifteen points. Succeeding in killing Steve, minus twenty-five points.”  
Natasha pries the bottle from his fingers. “You know what the saddest thing is? All of you would probably agree to play.”  
Luckily for him Bucky is kissing Natasha within the next two minutes and Who Loves Steve More Contest never takes place.


End file.
